Friday, July 30, 2010 . 5:20 am
Why are u doing this to me? U seems quite happy without me a...? Just to piss me off? Yes i have not totally get over Qingxia. I was just trying to re-live my past. She was the most painful and unforgetable ex i had ever been with. She was the one who made me know what is true love all about.There's a christian girl out there, but she's aint my type. I dun wana hurt her by advancing too much. We are good friends and brothers n sisters in Christ. I dont even know what im looking for. A girl who has the same traditional values as me? I think the sky will drop. I dun think i can find the one dat im looking for. It's almost coming to one month since I broke off with her. I'm not happy even though we had broken up. Saw her friends that she added. I cried after seeing that she added that perverted guy up on facebook.
Reminded her again and again not to do it and blocked him out of her life. Now its all back to square one. I read her blog. She's suicidal, etc. Now she said she is taking a non-sexual approach. I hope she does what she says. Cos i will be worrying for her if she does not keep to her words. So i cried for nothing i guess?
Went to iluma and bras basah after work last night. Saw the hat that she wanted. Gona get one for her soon. Its the only few things dat i can do for her.
Tmr going to FOP with M. Hopefully is a pleasant one. Im still not ready to face my cg yet. Let this be a time of cooling down for me i guess. Now everyone on her facebook noes hw i look like and wads my number and the words i said to her already. No me need me to put up. Thanks to someone who speaks for justice. Nvm how other pple says, its just between us, me and the Lord. He will judge.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010 . 1:56 pm
I cant reckon dat she has a ring on her hand and a watch. She's changed so much. When im with her, she never asked me to buy things for her. Why cant u ask? Open ur mouth!!! Just dont understand.... U're really a freak. Contradicting urself.... Im hurt by what happenned y'day.I will never ever forget that fateful day. I caught u. U think im so stupid? U've got the wrong person. Yes this is all ur fault. Dont drag other people in anymore. Be responsible for your own actions. I may have erred. So do you. Im fine with my life now. Take it as a lesson learnt. During my devotion i just released my hurts and hatred out to God. I dont nurse it. Friends, thanks for warning me. If not for your warnings, i would have lost friends that i've known for years and whom I trust. I trust them more than I trust you. Nursing my shoulder now. Hope i can still exercise my shoulders once im well. It affected my work performance too. Selwyn was right, i almost want to tell the whole of facebook dat u're a jinx and a slut, but i refrained bcos it will affect both of us and my well being too.
Take this as a lesson for both of us. This friday is Festival of Praise, Sel asked me to invite one of my friend along and sit together with my cg. Firstly, i dun want cell leader and the rest to have the wrong impression that im tackling this friend of mine. I would rather go on a smaller scale now. I just want to be alone with someone whom i can trust. Until i can get back on my feet again, then will i go in a group. Yes practice says we should go in a group, but please, i dun like rules. I have my own way of thinking. One of my brother did just dat. Went for service with his ex but nv join the group. Been thru the group settings. Yes it is fun. But what is after dat? I dont know. Im still in a confused state right now regarding friendships.
Monday, July 26, 2010 . 10:18 pm
Finally, i have decided to leave her. I have never seen a girl so vain after we broke off. She's even worse than before. Perhaps it is the change. She no longer have the 'poor me' and self pityness on her anymore.For the next few months im going to concentrate on my work and also I'm thankful for M who is always there for me whenever im in trouble. You're the friend dat i can trust now.
Take care my dear. Even though u had fooled me, I dont blame u. I just blame myself for everything dat had happenned. No turning back anymore. Moving on.
Saturday, July 24, 2010 . 7:57 am
Througout this period of time, I had learnt more than one lesson.Firstly is to obey the voice of God. The prompting of the Holy Spirit. I shouldn't have go on with the idea of the hotel after revising with her the other day at Marina Square, KFC.
Another time when I was at her school, I disobeyed the Spirit's prompting inside me again.
Why? Because I want to test the Spirit out. Secondly, thriftyness. I'd learnt to be more thriftier now than before. She taught me that. Thirdly, it was through the last incident that I got to control my addictions finally!!!! I had been struggling with this for years. Finally God heard my cry and a breakthrough is coming.
Pray that she can overcome her loneliness and not be too bothered about the world. For it is emptiness. I do not want to sin again, it is too much a price to pay. I missed the chance to have a good gf. Now I dont know who will come into my life or whether will she change to be a better person and come back to me again. Just praying that miracles will happen in afew months time.
God bless.
Saturday, July 10, 2010 . 1:39 am
K broked up, JS got hurt by what the ex said, I broke off with the one i loved. What is next? God, I don't want to see any of my friends breaking up or get hurt again because of relationships. Where was the love that you all had for your loved ones?Fact is, have u guys really treasured them? As in your loved ones. Egoistic kills, tempers flare up, different values and opinions. Have you guys forgotten your first love when u were madly falling in love with each other?
For me it was a bad start, but I hope that it would end up well. I wont dismiss the fact that she's free to contact any one of her male friends or ex bfs, but deep down, I would wished that she could contact me personally. I dont know what would dat guy psycho her to do. I'm just very afraid of losing her.