Monday, December 27, 2010 . 8:26 pm
In the midst of wanting to be loved again, I've found joy. The last few months had been real fake to me. Thoughts of wanting to give up, thoughts of the past flashing back, etc.Yet, it was this inner struggle that I had to go through. I was real half hearted. The previous post was real lashing out at God. I felt so ashamed of my wrongdoings dat I had to give up my mega church and move to a medium sized church. The 'me' was really no interest at all for Christ. Just go service for the sake of going. But it's different now. I guess with a good environment to work in, a good working relationship with colleagues slowly pulled me back. Indeed finance is important. Recently got to read the book dat Life Group bought for my b'day. The chapter on dealing with your past really helps.
It talks about how Paul killed many Christians at that time and at a turn of an event, God talked to Paul with a voice. That changed and he believed in Christ, sharing and proclaiming that Jesus is the son of God. Then people criticised him for killing Christians. He felt remorseful too, but that did not stop him from preaching the Word. I finally had the faith to stand back up. Thank you Lord.